As an Atlanta doula, emotionally supporting families is part of the job. Nobody wants to talk/think about the hard parts about the beautiful season ahead, but that’s why I blogged about it. While you may be thinking the registry is pressing, instead take your next date night (or moment alone) to discuss expectations and boundaries around parenting.
Special thanks to Maternal Mental Health Utah for getting the conversation started.
At 33 weeks pregnant, you’re entering the home stretch. I’ve seen how couples who talk openly before baby arrives feel stronger, more aligned, and more supported. Below are essential conversations to have during pregnancy (so you don’t wait until exhaustion, tears, or stress make them harder)
Here are the best conversations to have while pregnant.
This post is full of links. Click the words to open a new tab.
How to Handle Sleep Deprivation
Sleep deprivation is one of the most common challenges after baby arrives, and having a proactive plan now can preserve your partnership and your mental health.
HOW: During the stressful time of having a newborn, how can we minimize the damage of sleep deprivation? Can we afford postpartum help? Are there ways our families can help?
WHAT: What is the plan if one or both of us hit a wall, while the baby is still crying?
WHEN: When one of us goes back to work, what should quality sleep look like? What if we are so tired that we start fighting?
Roles/Boundaries for Grandparents and/or family
Establishing family boundaries during postpartum helps protect your space, your recovery, and your new baby.
HOSPITAL: How do we feel about visitors? During birth? After birth?
HOME: How do we feel about visitors? During birth? After birth?
HEALTH: How do we feel about adult vaccinations? How are we going to communicate and insist upon hand washing? How do we feel about everyone wanting to hold our newborn?
HELP: If we are having visitors, are there any particular ways they can provide help? Is it helpful or stressful to have visitors?
HURT FEELINGS: If someone doesn’t respect our boundaries, what plans can be in place where we aren’t fighting each other over it? Who can insist our boundaries are upheld?
Newborn Nighttime Wakings and Feedings
Knowing who will respond at night — and when to share tasks — prevents burnout in those early weeks.
WHO: How can we be prepared? Can we afford a night/postpartum nurse? How can we budget for help? Do we have family that can help? Who will be waking up with the baby each time? Will there be a rotation? If breastfeeding, can one parent feed the baby and the other change/rock the baby?
HOW: Are bottles an option? Formula or Breastmilk? How do we feel about eventually implementing a feeding/sleeping schedule?
WHERE: Where will the baby be sleeping? Bassinet? Co-sleeping? If the baby is crying and keeping everyone awake, where should I take the baby for the other parent to rest?
Sustenance
Planning meals and snacks ahead reduces decision fatigue during the late nights and early mornings.
HOW: Can we afford to eat out? Can we afford a meal delivery service? Do we have time to prepare frozen meals ahead of time?
WHO: Is there anyone in our life that can provide meals for us once the baby is here?
WHERE: Where can we set up snack stations for middle-of-the-night needs? Do we have enough room in the freezer for meals?
How to Manage Self-Care with a Newborn
Even a few minutes of intentional self-care helps reset your nervous system and support emotional balance.
WHAT: How can we be sure that we are both showering, leaving the house, and getting time alone? What is the bare minimum of necessity that we can commit to?
WHO: How can we be prepared? Can we afford a nanny during the day? How can we budget for help? Do we have family that can help? Will there be a shower rotation?
Managing Mental Health
Mental health isn’t a luxury — it’s essential. Planning supports and check-ins early can make a big difference.
HOW: Are there any classes or research we can do now to be better mentally prepared for a newborn? Are there any unresolved issues we should try to rectify now, incase it should pop up when we’re half asleep?
WHO: Who can we call for emotional or physical support? If I’m showing signs of Postpartum depression, who can you reach out to on my behalf?
WHAT: How do we want to manage down time? Go for a walk, play video games, scroll on your phone? Will it be triggering if one of us is decompressing on our phone vs unloading the dishwasher? What is a reasonable amount of unplanned “down time” per day?
Daily Routines and Roles
Having clarity about household responsibilities can keep resentment and friction low when everyone is tired.
WHAT: What daily chores/tasks NEED to be done? What about weekly? The first month with baby?
WHO: Who is responsible for each task? Is it possible for us to afford a cleaning lady? Can our family help with anything?
HOW: How will we respond, what is the plan, if these things aren’t getting completed?
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